


iniwan ko kayo

by Hugabug



Series: again & again & again [1]
Category: Heneral Luna (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgive me forefathers for I have sinned, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda PTSD kinda not, Kinda not, The Luna Squad, Yay! May tag na tayo mga kapwa kong LUNAtics!!, heneral 'wag niyo po ako multuhin, kinda biblical imagery in summary, paumanhin po mga ninuno, poor bby, protect rusca at all costs, rusca defense squad 2k15, sining, woohoo!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 10:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4957243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hugabug/pseuds/Hugabug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>("... hindi ba niya iiwan ang siyamnapu't siyam para hanapin ang nawawalang tupa hanggang makita ito?"</p><p>"paano po kung ayaw ng tupa magpakita, papa?"</p><p>"anak, sa tingin mo ba hindi siya mahahanap? kahit gaano ka tindi ang pagiiwas ng tupa sa kanya, kahit saan man tumago ito mahahanap pa rin siya ng kaniyang pastol."</p><p>"bakit, papa?"</p><p>"kung ikaw nawala sa SM 'di ba kita hahanapin kahit na nagsasara na sila ng mga tindahan?"</p><p>"of course hahanapin mo ako! mahal mo 'ko diba?"</p><p>"mahal na mahal. at mahal na mahal din ng pastol ang kanyang mga tupa. kaya kahit ano'ng hamon, ano'ng sakit, ano'ng lungkot, mahahanap pa rin niya ito."</p><p>"mahal din po ba ng tupa ang pastol, papa?"</p><p>"naku, anak, napaka-obvious! of course mahal ng tupa ang pastol!</p><p>mahal na mahal na mahal.</p><p>nasaktan lang 'ata-- kaya naligaw lang siya nang kaunti.")</p>
            </blockquote>





	iniwan ko kayo

**Author's Note:**

> if there are any mistakes pls tell me i just typed this up on a whim while i was studying for my lit midterms.
> 
> i wanted to write in filipino but i am so awkward at it odk if anybody would like to help me in my writing in filipino pls help i really wanna write in my native language i really really wanna *cries*

paco, luna, joven, the bernals-- they find each other almost instantly. but rusca remains missing.

why? he doesn't know. it's irrational really, but he is afraid. afraid to be left behind, to let people down, afraid to love in fear of losing so much. so unconsciously, he avoids them, even if he doesn't know who _they_ are (he dreams but he can't look at their faces too much blood too much blood _too much blood_ \--).

he avoids them, avoids people, avoids _all_ people. a friendly smile behind a bakery counter is all he is. all he should be. a wave. maybe a little extra _monay_ for _tatang_ garcia who comes by every morning--

 _No_ don't get attached rusca. don't get attached, just smile. laugh. joke. maybe you'll get some sleep tonight. think about that. sleep.

\-- he's still empty. they all are. only difference is rusca doesn't care. doesn't _want to_ care.

but the others care. paco and luna and joven and the bernals. they _care_. they're incomplete and out there they know someone is incomplete, too. its not right. it's not right at all. so they look without looking because they don't know who exactly they're looking for (dreams haunt them too-- no blood. just an old man with white hair and glasses and a scar on his forehead sobbing himself to sleep with a whispered repetition of " _iniwan ko kayo, iniwan ko kayo, iniwan ko kayo_ \--") but they look and they look and rusca avoids and avoids and they play this tiring game that shouldn't even be happening why is it happening they should be together they shouldn't be apart they need each other. there's something missing missing _missing_ \--

"ano po ang maililinkod ko sa inyo?"

paco stops half-way to his wallet. looks up.

rusca pauses. the birthmark on his forehead, above his left brow, burns. he feels defeat spread through his chest. but at the same time--

tears prickle the corners of his eyes. he tries to stop his smile.

paco smiles for him, knowing, gentle--

_forgiving._

"paumanhin, po." paco says, his own eyes growing misty. "ano po ulit ang pangalan ninyo?"

rusca swallows. reaches up, rubs his eyes. his fingers come away wet.

he needs to keep quiet. he needs to shut up. don't get attached, rusca. just smile. laugh. joke.

but he can't. not anymore.

"Eduardo Rusca, po." he says, grin breaking free.

Paco grins back, reaches over the counter with an open hand.

"Paco Roman." he replies. "hello, ulit."

Rusca sleeps that night and he doesn't dream of blood anymore. _  
_

**Author's Note:**

> woohoo!! procrastination for midterms has never been this good!!
> 
> hehe, hope you all enjoyed!! kudos and comments are very welcome. i don't have a tumblr so i don't get to know the LUNAtics very personally but i'd love to meet you all through my ao3 account!! my bbys, the lot of you!!
> 
> until i sin again!!


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